Friends,
I hope that all is well with you and yours.
This newsletter will be different from the usual fare; a one-week reprieve from strategy, management, innovation, decision-making, and organizational complexity. Whether it will be up your proverbial I do not know, but I hope that you will nonetheless see where I am coming from.
As a disclaimer of sorts, I should also point out that while I obviously respect people that choose not to have children, and acknowledge that some unfortunately are unable to, I do not feel that either should stop me from sharing my own experience.
A year ago
On November 25th, 2021, our daughter was born. She arrived late. Two weeks over, my heroine of a wife had to be started. But eventually, after a long day at the hospital, we were no longer a twosome, but a threesome.
It was, as such things always have been and always will be, world-altering. Suddenly, there is the tiniest of things taking up every bit of space in one’s life. The best way I can describe is a sensation of one’s heart being upgraded; the feeling of looking at your child is second to anything you have previously experienced. And as she grows, so does your love, as impossible as it sounds.
And, of course, so does your admiration for your partner. To be able to handle a newborn, while in all kinds of pains for weeks post labor, is a feat of strength that far exceeds what most human beings would be able to handle in any other situation. Mothers truly are the superheroes of our world.
One after another, in blinding speed, the months pass. Although you have been told time and again that “it all goes by so fast”, you have no idea what that means until you have lived it. Your daughter, who seemingly yesterday had just come home with you from the hospital, starts to laugh (oh, that first laugh, a sound you will cherish until the end of your days), crawl, walk, understand words, speak, and develop a personality. All in the time it takes a business to move from one annual report to the next identical iteration.
Without a question, having a child in your life is as much a joy as a privilege; we fall asleep every night with a smile, knowing that the first thing we will see in the morning is her face, as ever smiling back at us.
A request
I thought I might leave it there; a newsletter short and sweet. However, at my daughter’s birthday part, an about-to-become father asked me about what I had learned over the past twelve months, and if there were any learnings (as consultants say) that I might share. Given that I know that I have new parents who read this, I thought I would reiterate what I told him.
To parents of older children, these points will all be blatantly obvious, but to those who have just, or may, become parents, perhaps they might help. I know they would have helped me. If you have any of your own to share, please do so in the comment section.
Be patient. All. The. Time. Invariably, there will be days when your child is annoying the fuck out of you. Snapping is entirely counterproductive. Instead, find an outlet, something that you can do to either vent or get in a better mood. Whatever it is (this side of the bleeding obvious), it will help.
Find a favorite cuddly toy, then buy three of them. Bears, rabbits, and cats get dropped onto wet pavements, lost at parties, and fall out of prams. Having a couple of backups will make the difference between the end of the world and it carrying on as if nothing had happened.
Expensive clothing is broadly speaking pointless. Let us be honest here; buying the most premium clothes on the market is for you, not your child. For one, the very concept of brand has yet (thankfully) to enter their minds. But they also stain everything, and grow out of any item provided in approximately two days. There are exceptions, but by and large, that is just the fact. (If you are fortunate, you may have friends who have children slightly older – they might gift garments or, at least, offer them for peanuts.)
Expensive prams are broadly speaking not. While clothing very much is temporary, other things are not. Top of the list are, I would argue, car seats and prams. We have a Bugaboo and are very happy with it, but either way, the rule of thumb is that the longer you have an item (and the more important it is to the safety of your child), the higher the price you should be willing to pay. Do not overspend on that which does not matter, but do not underspend on that which does.
Do not keep quiet while your child sleeps. On the face of it, perhaps an odd piece of advice. But if your son or daughter becomes used to sleeping while there is noise in the background, having a normal life when they are visiting dream land becomes significantly easier.
If you live in a house or have a large apartment, buy a baby monitor. It saves you having to continuously listen for sounds coming from the crib, and thus allows you to relax (which will be much needed, believe me).
Introduce various flavors. Making your child to sample all kinds of berries, fruits, and vegetables will make the later introduction of baby food significantly easier. Do note that there are things are wholly unsuitable and some may be difficult to know beforehand; I recommend downloading the Semper Step app for help.
Let them sleep outside. Obviously, this is plus minus depending on where you live, local pollution etc. But research out of Norway and Sweden has found that children sleeping outside (in their pram) not only sleep better, but develop fewer respiratory diseases. Our daughter much prefers it to her bed.
Allow them to try. Let us be honest – a toddler will not be of much help when you are doing DIY, nor will they be able to feed themselves without turning the kitchen into a warzone. But they should be allowed and encouraged to try (within reason) nonetheless, partly because they have to learn to eat without help eventually, but also because it makes them feel a part of whatever you are doing.
Read up on your child’s car seat. If you have a car, and you intend to have the baby in it, it goes without saying that you will want a car seat that protects the most important thing in your life. However, while many manufacturers produce seats that can be adapted to the child as it grows, not all are explicit about it. We realized this too late. Having bought a toddler seat with a 360 base (being able to turn the baby around as you are putting it into and taking it out of the car can be invaluable in a tight car park), we eventually discovered that the models made for older children (that we now need) all came with to unnecessary toddler inserts – and an additional 25-30% price tag over those that did not.
And that is it.
Next week, we will jump back into strategy – and begin to lay the foundation for the theme of Q1 2023: forecasting.
Until then, have the loveliest of weekends.
Onwards and upwards,
JP